Dessert News link

You can click here to see the article Dessert News recently published about ADHD and Halloween candy.

Positive Disipline link

Lot's of good ideas here.  Check it out.
 
Link at www.positivediscipline.com <http://www.positivediscipline.com>

Is my child ADHD or just too much Halloween Candy?

ADD or just too much sugar?

Halloween bags almost empty?

Halloween week end is over but at many homes with young children the excitement has not yet dissipated. At your home if children giggle and can’t sleep at night, if couch cushions are often used as punching bags, if your walls have mysterious dents or if you notice blue sparkly glitter suddenly appear on your oriental rug, you may be frustrated.  Most kids are now about half way through their trick or treat Halloween candy and many parents are asking themselves, “Is my child normal? Could they be hyper- active or have they just eaten too much sugar?” Or  "Am I a bad parent?"

Evidence suggests that sugar does not make a child hyper-active.  Yes, sugar can give all of us a temporary boost but it does not make any one “hyper.”  Parents who believe 

 their children are less hyper when they take away sugar may have just behaviorally motivated the child to act calm so he or she can occasionally eat donuts without criticism.

Age Appropriate

While it is common to joke about ADHD, only about 3%-5% of the population meets diagnostic criteria for the disorder with males out numbering females.  More than likely your child’s inordinate energy, inattentiveness and impulsive acts are age appropriate. 

 

Mirror Neurons

Knowing that your child is within a normal range may not help your frustration or annoyance as you make home repairs so what is a parent to do?  One helpful concept to keep in mind is that of “mirror neurons.”  Scientists have recently discovered a set of neurons in the human brain called mirror neurons.  When you see an action or an expression completed by someone else your brain automatically fires the nerve cells necessary to get you ready to do the same task.   For example, if you wave good bye to a small child, they automatically raise their hand too.  When you see someone yawn, it is difficult to suppress one yourself because your mirror neurons are at work.

Emotional Centers

These neurons help us with motor learning but they are also connected to our emotional centers too.  We can see the emotion on another person’s face and experience a similar feeling helping us relate to their experience.  Empathy is an important social and relationship regulator but sometimes in family settings, mirror neurons go array.

Shame and Anger

If a mother comes into the house and sees a blue sparkle mess on her expensive rug, her face and voice convey a strong negative response.  The child is young and inexperienced at emotional interpretation and doesn’t think, “My mother still loves me, she just has temporary anxiety over the cost of replacing her nice rug,” instead the child catches the intense feelings of the mother and in that moment either experiences shame or anger or both. 

Personal Time Out

Dr. Jane Nelson, author of Positive Discipline, says that parents need to give themselves permission for a “time out” at stressful moments.  During their “time out” the parent can practice the three R’s of recovery: Recognize the situation, Ee-gather their thoughts and Resolve the problem.  After a quiet moment of reflection a parent may be able to express themselves appropriately and problem solve.   

Problem Solving

When the parent then approaches the child in a calm loving manner both parties can come up with solutions.  When blame and anger are absent, lasting solutions emerge.  The child learns empathy, problem solving and responsibility for their actions. 

Sibling Rivalry

The Brady Bunch
Everyone wants a happy family and sometimes it is hard to understand why your kids would fight.  After all, no one is more alike biologically than sibs.  Amazing isn't it?  Your kids have more genes in common with each other than they do you or your husband, so why do they have so much trouble getting along? 

The answer is multi-faceted with many variables but a favorite clip of mine shows the problem from a child's perspective.

You can view it here:

http://www.break.com/usercontent/2009/6/funny-commercial-videos-loves-funny-video-sibling-rivalry-768011.html

Just type in sibling Rivalry, scroll about half way down and click on the one that says, Great Father's Day Gift. 

The clip is guaranteed to make you chuckle and part of any solution is understanding both sides.  Would love to hear your comments.

Camille

The Wicked Witch of the West

Do your kids ever see you this way?

The Wicked Witch of the West

(I was given permission to share this from a professional friend of mine, Terese Bradshaw.  This humours story shows how often we have good intentions in our parenting but end up with different results than planned.)

On a blustery and cold Halloween night, a wicked witch fretted in her brand new house.  She had just gotten re-married, blended her little goblins and moved her in-home preschool to their new location.  She was overwhelmed and cranky (nearly flipped lid), but still wanted to create the "Perfect Halloween" for her children.  Dinner was done and her little goblins were putting on their home-made-costumes  to go out and spook the neighborhood, when the witch (who was usually quite kind) noticed bright blue theatrical make-up on the stairs of her brand new white carpet. (no one knows why this crazy Mother Witch of 4 little ones decided to put expensive white carpet throughout HER whole house)  

The lovely witch followed the trail of shimmering blue make-up up the stairs down the hall and into the master bedroom and bath, to where her little darlings were making faces in the mirror and  squealing with delight at how scary they looked in their costumes and made-up faces   .  .  .  until they saw the contorted look of horror on the mother Witch's face (fully flipped lid).  Their joy suddenly turned to sheer terror (mirror neurons at work) as their once friendly Mother Witch turned on them. 

She started screaming at the top of her lungs  "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?! (Blame) YOU'VE RUINED OUR BEAUTIFUL HOME !!(priorities?) AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES ABOUT HAVING A DECENT PLACE TO LIVE!?!  (Not really a Curiosity Question)  DO YOU WANT TO LIVE IN A PIGSTY ALL YOUR LIVES!?!   (Shame)  YOU DON'T DESERVE TO GO TRICK-OR-TREATING!! (punishment) GET OUT OF HERE!!  (abandonment)  YOU CAN JUST GO OUT TRICK-OR-TREATING BY YOURSELVES!

The wicked witch was out-of-control! After she chased them down the stairs she saw more of the ugly blue stain on her living room and dining room carpets!!  She screeched some more hurtful things at the innocents and pointed her bony finger towards the door (not a very respectful way of using NON-VERBAL SIGNALS) The little children and their friend (humiliation) cried in fear and ran out of the house. (out onto the streets of a brand new neighborhood, where they had only lived one week)

A few minutes later the wicked witch realized what she had done and felt great remorse and shock at the way she had treated her little children who just wanted to BELONG.  She jumped on her broomstick (a big Suburban) and raced down the street trying to find them.  Ahhh . . . Great Relief!  There they were. Safe on the sidewalk.  Whew they had not been kidnapped!  She raced the car towards them.  The youngest one, with the tell-tale blue make-up still stuck to the bottom of her shoe, ran in fear and jumped into the nearest bushes.  The witch ran to embrace her child and offer a heartfelt apology. The little one cried in fear.  She thought sure her mother was going to run her down with the car. (the witch forgot how important timing was before apologizing)

After many tears and hugs the Not-So-Wicked Witch took responsibility for what she had done.  She shared with them what she had learned from this experience, and what she would do differently next time she was that stressed. (5 R's of Recovery) she let them know that they were more important than a few stains on the carpet and it could be cleaned up, anyway.

Fortunately, her loving children were amazingly forgiving and eventually recovered from their harrowing ordeal with the Wicked Witch of the West. 

Although, to this day none of the girls will wear Halloween make-up.

Written by Terese Bradshaw, CPDT (formerly known as the Wicked Witch of the West)

now loving Mother (most of the time)

The words highlighted in red describe concepts taught in Positive Discipline Parenting Classes.  If you are interested in classes contact me, Camille Anderson at Provo Counseling Center.  

You can either comment on this blog or contact me: camille@provocc.org 


Questions or Parenting Concerns?  I would be happy to respond to questions readers submit.